From the Desk of Sailor Polaris Director of Crystal Tokyo Media Relations Rei, looks like those rumours were true but I don't see what we can do about it. It's being published abroad so we can't block it and even if they were using a CT publisher we wouldn't have grounds to stop them. Freedom of speech, remember? If we claim slander they'll claim satire, the courts would find for them and all we'd accomplish would be giving them a lot of free publicity plus a new blurb for the cover. "The book Crystal Tokyo doesn't want you to read!" or something like that. You know that always boosts foreign sales. So we're stuck, all we can do is ignore it or laugh it off. We're the openminded magnanimous ones, remember? That aside I had a word with one of the authors and she gave me an advance copy. I thought you might want a look even if it doesn't have the pictures added yet. Maybe especially as it doesn't have the pictures yet. Ti ********************Attached material follows************************ The Cynic's Guide To Crystal Tokyo : A Realistic Look at the World's Most Overhyped City by Margrave and Magnesite Chapter 1 - Who Are These People Anyway? Before we get into the city proper it's a good idea to take a quick look at the people running the place. After all not only are they the government of the most prosperous city state on Earth but individually they command greater magical power than every other mage in the world combined. Be afraid, be very afraid! I. The Royal Family "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of govenment." -Dennis, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" Neo Queen Serenity : From Airhead to Ascendency When it comes to this woman many people have asked the same question. "What exactly does 'neo queen' mean anyway?" The answer is nobody really knows but it sounds good to her. If that doesn't worry you keep reading and we'll see what we can do about that. The other question people have asked (though usually in shorter form) is this. "Just what qualifies Chiba Usagi (nee Tsukino) a former children's book writer who barely graduated high school as ruler of this paradise and wielder of the world's most potent magical artifact?" Ask anyone in Crystal Tokyo and you get the same answer. "She's the reincarnation of a moon princess who died 13,000 years ago." The amazing thing is they'll say it with a straight face. So even if you accept that then what has that got to do with ruling a terrestrial kingdom? Beats me but nobody questions it. Besides she is married to the supposed reincarnation of the ancient rulers of Earth so there's some legitimacy to it. If you believe that I've got some reclaimed land in the Amazon Rainforest to sell you. Of course we could be selling her short. Maybe she's wiser than we think. Just listen to a few of her speeches of days gone by for her wit and wisdom. [Several of the corniest SM speeches snipped - Ti] That's enough of that. Let's look at the other half of the royal family. "You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody." - Brian, "Life of Brian" Endymion : The Reluctant King What can you say about a guy who used to run around town in a tuxedo and whose response when his girlfriend was attacked by monsters was to tell her to kick its ass? Many things indeed but we come to praise Endymion not to bury him. Like his queen (and practically everyone else in the CT heirarcy) he's supposed to be reincarnated. In his case he's supposedly rightful heir to the throne of Earth. This may not exist anymore but since he's got a real throne in Crystal Tokyo why doesn't he ever do anything apart from follow his wife's lead? No one knows but it's the same pattern he followed in his Tuxedo Mask days. [Various shots of TM watching battles from sidelines TBA] Exactly why he always takes a backseat to her nobody knows though as one on your humble authors can attest there are some men who get a real charge out of being dominated by women. Though it takes an effort to imagine Serenity in leather. [Artist's impression TBA] Hopefully that helped. "[Quote needed]" Princess Usagi : Heckraiser [To be added] II. The Sailor Senshi "...If I only had a brain" -Scarcrow, "The Wizard of OZ." Sailor Venus : Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy [Has kept idol singer phenomena going for centuries. Rumoured on hit list of underground groups of music lovers. Amazingly has not started major war yet despite goodwill ambassador status. Married arch enemy, couple voted 'most likely to kill one another and take out large part of city in the process'.] "Democracy is a cancer eating at the heart of our society. Any action we have to take to stamp it out, However regretable, is justified." - Judge Dredd, "Revolution" Sailor Mars : That's Ms. Bitch to you! [To a point a lost love is tragic. Then it becomes psychotic obsession channeled into her job. Sooner she gets laid and stops bitching about whathisface the better] "Someday my prince will come ..." - Cinderella (according to Walt Disney) Sailor Jupiter : Fool for love [Speaking of obsessions ... Has seen similarities between every man in Crystal Tokyo and long dead first boyfriend who dumped her centuries ago. Potential stalker? To make matters worse guess who runs the CT army] "Sometimes I wonder ...; wonder why anyone should not wish to be perfect in a perfect world. Sometimes I wonder why that bothers me, and sometimes ... sometimes I just wonder." - Miracleman "Olympus" Sailor Polaris : Reality check, please. [Only lesser Senshi on Council. Grew up wanting to join the people who blew up her homeworld. What's wrong with this picture?] IIa. Non Government Sailor Senshi "Lord ... why me?" - Leader of the Black Widows, "Any Which Way You Can" Sailor Mercury : Longsuffering to a fault [Only sane one in whole bunch? Resigned government post to head CTU. Finds freshmen more mature than former collegues?] Sailor Neptune - [MIA] Sailor Uranus - [ditto] Sailor Pluto - [rumours she exists or at least did exist once upon a time] Sailor Saturn - [see Pluto] Sailor Nemesis - [unaffiliated with CT] III. The Guardians "I don't like being a bastard but they give me no choice ... that's probably what God says." - Marshal Law, "The Hateful Dead" Calcite : King of Grim [See Venus. Willingly married woman dumb enough to buy his dark lord act. (page of D.L.Calcite overdone scripted dialogue reproduced). Occasionly skips town to play superhero acting somewhere between Clint Eastwood 'Man with no name' and John Woo hero.] [Quote needed. Something from "Hellraiser"?] Azurite : S&M Power, makeup [Formerly Sailor Arcturus but the image conflicted with CT's family values theme. Beware] "Beat me up Scotty" - [charactername] "Wild Palms" Pyrite : The Last Trekkie Sole remaining follower of a 20th century religion that didn't have the staying power of the Presleyian faith. [more] "When you wish upon a star ..." - Jiminy Cricket, "Pinnochio" Chrysolite : Chrystine Phobos, the vigilante formerly known as Twilight, assumed her Guardian name on elevation to the rank in accordance with the ancient tradition that Guardians must be named after minerals. Perhaps as a sign you'd need rocks in your head to want the job. The sole human in the group she was only brought in at the last minute when Ferrite turned it down. [more] IV. Miscellaneous "He doesn't know which of us I am these days but they know one truth. You must own nothing but yourself. You must make your own life, live your own life and die your own death ... or else you will die another's" - From Alfred Bester's, "Fondly Farenheit" Ferrite : [Rumoured he will not smile until Endymion conquers the Earth and declares himself King]